Life Lesson Learned: It’s Hard to Make Friends in Your 40s.

Good Friends Are Hard To Find

I wish I had some forewarning about this next life lesson.  It seems the older I get the more difficult it is to make friends.  I have sat back and pondered some variables of friendship forming.  For instance, related circumstances, similar interests, and shared daily living contexts are varying elements that contribute to establishing friendships. 

It was easy to make friends when I was a child.  During my elementary school years in the 1980s I experienced a shared daily living context with other kids my age.  A context which involved a nine o’clock am school start time, a noon hour lunch time, a three o’clock pm school dismissal, and an eight o’clock pm bedtime. 

I recall kids outside who lived on my street playing after school; I walked over and asked if I could play with them.  We played outside for hours until it got dark and our parents yelled out to us to come home.  That’s how friendships were effortlessly formed and maintained until we all grew up and moved away. 

In high school it was also easy to make friends.  Relatable circumstances with school mates which included classroom attendance and participation in extracurricular activities initiated friendships.  Some of those friendships became life-life ones, while others fizzled out after graduation from high school.

During the first half of my thirties I taught English as a second language in South Korea and Mexico.  I encountered other English teachers from all over the world and formed friendships with them.  Similar circumstances brought opportunities to spend time with people who worked in the same profession. 

In my 40s making friends is very challenging.  I never imagined that meeting people and establishing friendships would be this difficult.  It’s more arduous than refolding a paper map, or trying to lick your own elbow. 

When I was five years old making friends was easy-peasy.  I remember looking outside my window and little girls seemed to magically appear playing jump rope; I asked to join them and they said yes in unison.  It worked in my favor that I volunteered to hold the end of the rope for them so they could jump.  In contrast, at my age now, if I encountered a table of ladies in a coffee shop and asked to join them it’s highly doubtful that would generate a positive result.  I would most likely have to choose a new coffee shop to frequent.    

With regards to similar daily living contexts, the majority of people in my age group have children; therefore, they have less available time to hang around in coffee shops as I like to do in my spare time.  Most people my age who have kids tend to gravitate towards parents with kids the same age and facilitate play dates.  I often see groups of parents come to the coffee shops with their children.  As I read my book I enjoy hearing the laughter of their kids playing together.

With regards to similar interests, I find it challenging to find anyone in my age group who enjoys similar interests including reading books, taking photos, swimming, yoga, baking, movies, live music, and eating out in restaurants.  I did not think that my interests were that out there.  Perhaps I should tell people I meet for the first time that my interests include fighting crime after dark and scaling tall buildings and see how that pans out.

Over the last few years I have tried to meet people my age through various volunteer organizations; however, the majority of people I met were although very friendly much older, and we had little in common.  I have searched for meet up groups for people forty and older in my area, but have been unsuccessful in locating such groups.  I have checked out the local library and recreation centre; however, the activities offered conflicted with my work schedules. 

Past workplace establishments have produced challenges to form friendships for a few reasons.  The first reason is my co-workers were either busy parents or grandparents.  The second reason is that they were half my age.  Those who were half my age understandably preferred not to hang out with somebody the same age as their parents.  The third reason is that it was impossible to schedule times to meet friends outside the work place when you work opposite shifts.          

So aside from volunteer organizations, work places, and meet up groups, how do you make friends in your 40s?  Should I write a personal ad and have it published in the local newspaper?  Do you think anybody would answer such an ad? 

Woman In Her 40s Seeking Friendship: I am an outgoing and friendly female looking for friends who enjoy drinking coffee, going to movies, live theatre performances, reading books, and listening to live music.  I don’t have any children or pets, but I like both so feel free to bring your kids and dogs.      

What do you think readers about friendships in your 40s?  Is it easy or difficult to make friends?  What are some suggestions for people 40 and older to find friends in their age group?