Hi Mom and Dad;
It is the first day of October today. All the holidays are quickly approaching. Thanksgiving, Halloween and Day of the Dead will be here and gone before you know it.
Christmas will be here and then another year begins. I still don’t know how to do Christmas without you. Dad, I miss your stuffed turkey roll dinners and exchanging stockings with you and your wife. It makes me sad to think that I will never spend holidays with you again.
Mom, I miss watching you open your gifts from me and saying, “I love it; I love it!” I miss helping you decorate the tree and watching you rearrange the ornaments I put on when you thought I wasn’t looking. I miss Charlie asking you to give us chocolates 🍫 before Christmas and calling you the Grinch because you said no. I miss the Christmas mornings when Charlie made the coffee before we opened the presents. Jessie, our dog ran around playing in the piles of wrapping paper on the floor.
I will never have the same Christmas again. I won’t ever get to have dinner at Nan’s. I won’t ever watch Christmas movies with Baby Jean. I won’t ever exchange stockings with Dad. I won’t ever wrap presents with Mom.
Mom and Dad, since you passed away, it feels as though all the Christmas traditions we once shared have also died. I will go back to Canada for Christmas, but I won’t get to go home because it doesn’t exist anymore. The family home now belongs to another family.
I still don’t know how to feel at home in this world anymore without you. Christmas time is when I feel that way the most. I don’t have any new Christmas traditions. Every Christmas since you have been gone I have been going through the motions. I don’t know if that void will ever go away.
I do know that you both taught me that I will always be ok and I will rock every Christmas and holiday in your absence. I will continue to have great Christmases no matter where in the world that I am. I know that though I can’t ever go back to those times with you, that it’s ok for me to remember them but still miss you.
So, although you both know that I am more than capable of taking care of myself, I still need my parents. Mom, I know you’re with Nan, Pop, Charlie, Uncle Max and Uncle David, but please don’t forget about me. Dad, I know you’re with Nanny and Granddad now. Give them a big hug from me and tell them that I miss them. Please try to stay as close as you can to me this Christmas and every Christmas after that.
Your Daughter,
Kelli
