Last Mother’s Day we took you to the hospital, as you weren’t responsive. Three days later you left this world and left a permanent void in my heart. Yesterday I walked around the streets for hours and watched all the mother’s with their children. I tried to hold back the tears as I recalled a time when I was once the age of those kids and had you in my life.
I wish I could hug you today. I wish I could call to wish you Happy Mother’s Day. I wish I could tell you I love you.
I saw a man lying on the side of the street this afternoon as I was going for a walk. I had no idea who he was, or how he got there, but figured since he was sleeping on the street in the afternoon on Mother’s Day, that things are probably not working out so great for him. I walked to a nearby convenience store. I bought a bottle of water, placed it next to him and walked away. I didn’t know what to do for this man, but hoped that when he woke up and saw the water that he would feel, if only for a moment that somebody cared.
On my way home, I passed by that spot where the man was sleeping on the ground. He was gone, and so was the bottle of water. I hope he found his way home.
Mom, it has not been easy since you and Nan are gone. I have to be my own mother now, as there is nobody lining up to adopt a 47 year old woman. I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know where home is anymore, and if I will find it again.
Three days ago, it was the year anniversary of the day you went to Heaven. When I was saying good bye to you that day in the hospital, I told you that I hoped you would visit from time to time in the form of a bird. Three days ago as I was walking to my first class at the university, I saw the most beautiful bird I’ve ever seen standing proud and tall on top of a pole. It had a bright red face and breast. I hoped it was you saying hello.
Mom, I bought a plant today in your honor. I put it outside on my balcony. I will think of you every time I look at it. I hope that beautiful red bird that I saw last Thursday will drop by and say hello once in a while. I will always need you Mom; please help me find my way back home.